• June 13, 2018

    One of the most powerful myths of our time is the myth of limitless potential. It seems that every commencement speech, every news story about young people, has this cliché…anything is possible, you can be anyone or anything you want, there is nothing impossible for those who hold on to their dream and strive to achieve it. In my view, there is no better foundation for sleep than this one.

    The class of child-like billionaires spawned by the technology revolution in places like Silicon Valley are planning and investing for a day when death will be no more, when science prolongs their life indefinitely and they will emigrate to Mars. They do not need to deal with the consequences of their actions, they just move on into a more wonderful future. The result is that they remain encased in their own self-importance, unable to penetrate the realm of feeling.

    It is my struggle with my limitations that enables me to observe self and achieve some measure of self-mastery. My failures enable me to feel compassion. My death, which every day grows closer, invokes sobriety and also, paradoxically, the qualities of passion and impersonal joy.

    The moth is attracted to the flame. The light is blinding. The flame is deadly. But where else can the moth experience such wild intensity. The moment of dancing its death is the summation of its life. So may it be for me.

    Searching for the limitless is complete nonsense. And it is very damaging, a fantasy that blocks our engagement with reality and the possibility of being human. Potential is never now. Something without limit never arrives. It’s a way to avoid the facts of our existence.

    This work leads not to the celebration of limitless possibilities but to the discovery of what is…the Terror of the Situation…and, with that, a possible awakening of conscience and compassion…qualities that are found in failure, suffering and the loss of illusion. Do you still hope that things will work out for you in the end, a comfortable conclusion, a Hollywood ending? If so, you still haven’t got the message. And despite the poor prospects, I am asked to do my best anyway, just for its own sake.

    Can I recognize that the limitations written into life have been imposed by the universe on itself? This world is not some cruel joke played on us. In this work, God is not thought of as some separate being untouched by the pain of His creation. Nor is the universe a dead material thing. As Mr. G noted, He has entered His world, crucified Himself in His own creation, become a full participant in the details, limited by the laws He has used to form this world*. There truly is no escape. Since we cannot get out, we must go farther in, accepting the flame, not seeking to avoid it.

    Last week, another person I know died from cancer. For years, he avoided his fate, convinced everything would be ok and his life would continue. At the very end, he discarded this view and in an act of great courage, he faced the end. This was a gift that may benefit others.

    * “In the beginning, I alone was. I had nothing but Myself with which to make the world; out of Myself the world was made.”  E.J. Gold, The Man on the Cross.

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  • August 28, 2017

    It was an ordinary Sunday morning in a coffee shop known for its new age inclinations. The server wore a t-shirt with the following message: “Limitations only exist if we let them.” Magical thinking.

    Limitations are what make life interesting and challenging. We have limitations everywhere…of time and space and resources of every kind. As destructive as we are in a world of limitation, how much more so would we be if not subject to limit? We are dull enough with the benefit of limits that force us to shift and change. If our every wish could be fulfilled, would we be more awake or less?

    What’s so bad about limitations anyway? Limitation is finding what is right for me among the many things that are not. Limitation is knowing something well: to find water, you must dig in one place.

    Can I really be whatever I want, have whatever I want, if I just want it enough? Does my thinking really have such power?

    I know that negative thinking destroys creativity and takes away energy, closing me to what is possible. Does positive thinking have the reverse effect? Can I guide my life to my chosen goals through affirmations? It seems to me that my best responses to life, the moments less troubled by what I lack, are moments of silence and space, not wordy affirmations.

    When I want what I want, then it seems I am most powerless and ‘dry’. When I am at the center, I am most alone and unaided, least able to proceed. If there are moments of magical thinking, when more seems possible and new openings surprise me, it is when I am dancing with the universe, when it leads and I follow, no agenda in mind.

    Yes, I need my aims and understandings to begin. I take the steps I know and can. But then the world intervenes and I am moved. My agenda, my conceptual staircase to somewhere, is dislocated, shot through with light and shadow and air. What makes what I want the right thing or the best thing? What makes my constructed aims important when they are only made from the fluttering of insubstantial thought?

    When thinking has weight, it is grounded in sensation, why else do prayer forms have movements and postures of the body? When thinking invites feeling, it develops wings. Then there can be magic, but not mine.

    The universe is inherently uncertain. It will always be so. Can I embrace it?

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