Why do I begin zikr with an apology that is tinged with remorse? Because an apology takes me far along the road of friendship.
What am I apologizing for? Forgetting. Forgetting what? I apologize for forgetting my relationship to my origin.
Why do I forget? It is always the same. I lose myself in my life, my identifications, preferences, wants…clinging and averting as my lord Buddha says. The Sufis call this ghaflah, ignorance or heedlessness.
How do I know that my apology is accepted? I know when my arrogance and self-importance are lifted from me. These are the qualities that cause me to forget. When they are lifted, I remember.
You may think that the effects of a sincere apology are due to your own efforts. I assure you this is not the case. You must consider this most carefully. I need an outside agency to move me from my state of ignorance. Can I change my state as I am? Can forgetfulness remember? Can I think my way out of my disconnectedness? It is not possible.
The reality that I aspire to is subtle. It exists outside the narrow boundaries of myself. In zikr, the boundaries are erased. Can I who am bound erase them? Or is it that, as I apologize, they are mercifully removed?
In the state of forgetting, I am in pieces, pulled in many directions. In zikr, I am aligned, every cell brought into resonance, allowing essence to penetrate. Then I am remembered by another, whose being I share.