I am often embarrassed by my sleep behavior which gives me the motivation to stay awake.
Yes, sleep can be embarrassing . The energetic charge of embarrassment can be useful. However, do not make the mistake of assuming that being present means being awake. Presence is an intermediate state between sleeping and waking. In presence, the momentum of sleep continues in the machine. The charging/discharging mechanism remains potentially active, leaving you open to the full range of negative emotions if the ‘right’ stimulus comes along. Identification then follows. At best, the machine is temporarily neutral when you are in a state of presence.
To awaken is to awaken the machine, in which case there are no negative emotions and no possibility of a charge/discharge cycle. In the waking state, the circuitry of energy generation and transformation is fully engaged, sensing/feeling/thinking are integrated and operate without interference from conditioning.
Awakening is not some sort of metaphysical state. It is not Samadhi. It is not withdrawal from sense-experience. Awakening is embodied.
Presence and attention are catalysts for awakening but awakening itself encompasses and harmonizes all the functions humans are capable of. This is a state of real being. Life is real only then, as Mr. G would say.
To Be Continued…