He was there last Thursday night, waiting for us as we entered the zikr chamber. His mood was sweet but pressing and insistent. He wished to occupy and subdue and my defences were quickly undone. It was a meeting replete with loving celebration and relief that He wished to engage with me, but also compelling. There were no negotiations; surrender was immediate.
This is as I remember it now, but that time cannot be reassembled in my current state. This is something to marvel at. I can have the most extraordinary experience but it is a gift received in a particular state which is, in fact, a particular place in the invisible world. To revisit this experience, I must revisit the place where it is. Where I am later, there remains only a faint impression like the vestiges of a dream.
Early on the spiritual path, one is invited to think that there are particular practices that can produce a certain result. This no longer seems accurate. Losing parts of myself, there are places I can visit, where I am accepted. I do not know them until I am there. The more of me I lose, the wider are my travels. I am a voyager. Can I remember the way back? The traces are in me. But I also must be invited. His current mood may not be the same as I remember and I must then seek for Him somewhere else.
As I enter the chamber, I look to see where He summons me. He beckons and I follow.